If you were lucky enough to be around in the heady days of AOL Chat – and they were heady – you may have run into Bloodninja. Now, if you did run into Bloodninja, then you were having cybersex…shame on you.

Until the recent past, not a lot was know of this shady troll. But ‘his’ work is beloved by veterans of the Internet:

Bloodninja : Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
BritneySpears14 : Aight.
Bloodninja : Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
BritneySpears14 : I slip out of my pants, just for you, Bloodninja.
Bloodninja : Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14 : Oh, I like to play dress up.
Bloodninja : Me too baby.
BritneySpears14 : I kiss you softly on your chest.
Bloodninja : I cast Lvl 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
BritneySpears14 : Hey…
Bloodninja : I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl 8 Penis of the Infinite.
BritneySpears14 : Funny I still don’t see it.
Bloodninja : I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty of the Beyondness.
BritneySpears14 : You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
Bloodninja : Don’t fuck with me biznitch, I’m the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
Bloodninja : I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl :2 Druid.
BritneySpears14 : Don’t ever message me again you piece.
Bloodninja : Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of :metal.
Bloodninja : King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik’s evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. :Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
Bloodninja : You still there baby? I think it’s getting hard now.
Bloodninja : Baby?
So popular is this mighty magician’s work, that Internet game giants, Steam,  even paid homage to ‘him’ on their RPG page, by including his now infamous line, ‘I put on my robe and wizard hat’.

Much speculation circled the Internets about the true identity of this brave magical warrior, until eventually Fugly.com claimed the rights.
They were really created by the staff of Fugly.com and they are called The Fugly Victims.

Somebody stole a lot of them, changed the name in the conversation to bloodninja and then posted them all over the Internet. The conversations are all original materal, created by the staff of Fugly.com. You can read them all here.

Now, I’m no Internet detective, but the consensus seems to be that this claim is true. A collection of the choicest encounters are available here on Encyclopaedia Dramatica But just remember, next time you’re looking for cheap kicks on the new – not so heady – version of AOL Chat, it’s possible that you might be a victim of the Bloodninja.
Ken Eakins

About the Author

Ken Eakins is a filmmaker and weird stuff enthusiast from the South of England.

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