Right Where You Are Sitting Now! – Subculture, Counterculture, Alternative, Occult, Underground Music

The reviews on this wolves shirt are well-worth reading… Asylum.com posts, “Amazon.com has reported a 2,300 percent sales increase for this sartorial masterpiece after hundreds of Web wits posted sarcastic odes to the item’s imaginary qualities.”

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Timothy Akers to be arrested for the 102nd time?

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China’s first sex theme park was demolished before it was even erected! The park was aimed toward both sex education and sex life improvement for visitors, but was unfortunately deemed too taboo and “vulgar” by officials.

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The world record was set for longest flight of a paper airplane by Takuo Toda.

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True story: “Daddy ate my eyes.”

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Two Russian tourists have decided to break the Florida law of having sex with porcupines and have thusly suffered the consequences.

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Smugglers were caught with halves of tigers.

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Take-your-children-to-work-days have turned out to be a bit shocking in Florida…

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Fish caught inside boy’s penis!

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To ensure his next child is a boy, an Indian man has avoided bathing for 35 years.

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“Smart Memory Bras” elevate the bust when it senses the lady is attracted to whomever she is associating with!

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Elizabeth Adeney at 66 is Britain’s oldest mother-to-be.

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Attorney arrested for pot possession at the courthouse!

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Runpee.com let’s you know when to take a quick piss break from your movie!

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But if you can’t hold it in… have a toast and sip it down like these three men from the International Space Station.

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Playboy’s on the market for a mere $300 million.

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Cannibalism: the end of the Neanderthal!

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Chuck E. Cheese was no longer cheesin’ after having his head ripped off.

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A student is charged with using a live snake as a jump rope.

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Alina Percea talks about what it’s like to auction off your virginity.

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A photo was taken of an upside down flying goose!

Claire Lumiere

Weekly Weird News

By Claire ⋅ May 13, 2009 ⋅ Post a comment

twins

Keep this picture away from drunkards!

In the remote village of Kodinhi in India, 220 twins have been born to just 2000 families.

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A sinkhole in Florida has swallowed up yet another home in what officials are saying is one of the largest sinkholes they’ve ever encountered.

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A wife worries her husband may have drowned during sleep-walking by stepping into the Fox River.

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National Geographic’s May 2009 issue features an almost perfectly frozen mammoth which has resurfaced after 40,000 years.

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Perhaps his solution would be to become more like the ever-vigilant dolphin.

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Gregory Brown the arsonist has been freed after 20 years!

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The “world’s tallest man” shuns Guiness Book of World Records!

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Not that any of you are Twilight fans, but just in case you had any questions, io9 posts that physicists prove how vampires could not exist!

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Lostvault.com is match.com for inmates!

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A 15 year old black belt strikes back at a bully and unites the community against racism!

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6000 kangaroos to die for an army training ground!

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Honesty has paid off for a taxi driver in Argentina who returned a bag of $32,500 (£21,600) to their rightful owners. Now hundreds of Argentines have donated to the taxi driver through a website in his honor.

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A remorseful tourist returns a part of the Coliseum her husband stole!

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A girl of 17 was run over by her own SUV while ghost-riding.

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SECRET SHARK HIDEOUT DISCOVERED!

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The world’s oldest dog is turning 21 soon!

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In religious scandals this week: Father Alberto Cutie is caught kissing a woman and Chad Hardy, founder of Mormons Exposed was excommunicated from the Church for making a male version of a sexy Mormon calendar.

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Now Sarah will never have her senior prom back because of her medical-marijuana scented boyfriend!

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A Dublin student adds a false quotation from Maurice Jarre on Wikipedia and is quoted worldwide by newspapers.

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The only pig in Afghanistan has been caged and quarantined because of swine flu fears!

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Do YOU have swine flu?

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LEGOs being used to depict war, Guantanamo, Abu Ghraib and more!

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Social networks are beneficial to baboons!

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A disgruntled Cape Cod cocaine buyer calls the police, angry at not having the drugs delivered.

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Woman painting her nails kills motorist.

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A couple met through spam fell in love and got married. The groom says, “I hope the virus that infected us with love is incurable.”
Linguists predict the millionth word added to the dictionary may be “noob,” or “defriend.”

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A car crash in Singapore causes a woman to bite her boss’ penis off.

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A girl in Switzerland found a condom in her happy meal.

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A burglar was saved from the rooftops!

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Giant salamander found in China!

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A woman offers her husband a year of sex for his 40th birthday.

Claire Lumiere

Weekly Weird News

By Claire ⋅ April 7, 2009 ⋅ 2 comments

Where are my lucky charms dammit?

The end of the rainbow captured by an Iphone camera.

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Let’s check in recently with PETA! Want to read the President’s will? They also killed 95% of the cats and dogs last year that they took in.

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“It’s not easy being Galileo” — his telescope visits Philadelphia as part of the International Year of Astronomy.

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Arnold Schwarzenegger does commercials in Japan!

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One of the world’s smallest frogs has been discovered!

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In celebration of 30 years of Gundam, an 18 meter tall statue of one shall be built in Tokyo this July!

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Should inmates have the keys to their own cells?

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Vince Shlomi, our beloved ShamWow salesman, was recently charged with battery against a prostitute. My friend gives this situation careful consideration and wonders, was it the Scientologists (Vince used to be one) or was Billy Mays behind it!? WHO FRAMED HIM!?

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“I SAID NO!” pope condoms are out!

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And the late John Paul II was featured in a now banned advertisement for a club, holding a beer and dancing with Paris Hilton.

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A man who crashed into 6 wild boars while driving was awarded $8.6 million.

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Are shopping habits linked to periods?

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A 4 year old boy was threatened to have his penis cut off so he would stop exposing himself at the day care center.

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A woman was caught DUI and also… breastfeeding?

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More bad momma stories: one drugged her daughter so she’d get pregnant and another dared young girls to chug vodka.

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A drug lord thanked American lawmakers for keeping them illegal!

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Giant peeps have been created to stop Japanese whalers! While Apa Sherpa, who has climbed Mount Everest several times, is returning this time with environmental pursuits.

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A prostitute was paid by her pimp in Mcnuggets!

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Castaway dog Sophie survived four months on a desert island after swimming six miles with sharks!

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In more significant animals news, a parrot was ordered by the judge to appear in court and a raccoon bit off a pervert’s penis!_________________________________________________________________________

A 13 year old boy drove from Virginia to Texas with the family’s truck and horses.

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What else goes on in Texas these days? A nurse recently injected bleach into five of her patients, killing them all.

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Traffic stopped on the Brooklyn Bridge over… an engagement ring?

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In Oklahoma, a bill is being proposed that would legally allow women to use deadly force to save the life of their unborn child.

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A child tries to reach 911 for help with math homework while this kid accidentally called 911 and blabbed to his friends, and the police- unknowingly- about his burglaries.

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It’s true- people look like their dogs.

Claire Lumiere

Weekly Weird News

By Claire ⋅ February 9, 2009 ⋅ Post a comment

Each week we send our Queen of the Weird, Claire Lumiere, into the wilderness of the Internets to find the weirdest reports from the Underground, CounterCulture and the Paranormal mileau! If you have news that you feel demands the attention of the SittingNow community then drop Claire an email at claire@sittingnow.co.uk

lightning cow1

A magic cow survived a lightning strike!!!!

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The ungrowing baby continues to befuddle doctors.

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A school teacher from St. Paul unwisely sent an “insensitive” email about a Holocaust simulation she planned on organizing at the school. The email subject was labeled “Torture Time!” Her intent, she says, was to give the staff “needed stress relief and entertainment.” In the reenactment students would wear yellow stars and teachers would be on this “day of sheer pleasure [Nazi Officers and becoming Adolfs."

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In India, a man is being put in jail for accepting a 50 cent bribe twenty-four years ago.

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A man awoke from a one-night stand to discover the woman he had been with had carved his name into his arm and given him various other "tattoos." He will doubtfully mix vodka and valium before he goes to bed with another woman.

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A cop from Boston was accused of using his police cruiser to escort porn stars to a club.

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A boy from Minnesota was allegedly forced to unclog a toilet with his bare hands by his school principal.

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A woman from Indianna weeped her way into Long John Silvers and cried during the robbery, "If I wasn't down and out, I wouldn't be doing this."

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A teen in Sacramento revealed on webcam that he planned on taking his own life, but his online buddy proceeded to inform Sacramento police beforehand. News.cnet.com says, "There. Finally a social networking feel-good story."

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San Francisco's teen death and birthing rates apparently balance one another out.

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A man from Yorkshire who'd finally had it with dentail pains and couldn't afford a dentist decided to pull 13 of his own teeth out with pliers.

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A Volkswagen beetle was removed from the Lions Gate bridge in an engineering prank gone awry. The students reportedly have already suspended the shell of another beetle successfully off the Golden Gate Bridge and do it to mark the beginning of engineering week at university.

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A man entering Melbourne was caught with pigeons stuffed in his pants!

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The story of man who was imprisoned for 30 years for a murder he did not commit!

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A student with smelly feet has been allowed back into the classroom!

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Groundhog Phil has declared that there will be six more weeks of winter in the United States.

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Five second-graders were found in possession of heroin and passed around packets in school.

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A Belgian thief accidentally missed in his plan to drill his way into a bank deposit box and turned up instead in the toilets.

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Did anyone celebrate World Nude Day this past week?

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Michael Phelps unites pot smokers? And Alternet.org posts, "Michael Phelps has no business apologizing for taking bong hits."

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Sheyla Hershey broke up with her boyfriend to "follow [her] dream”… of her having the world’s largest set of breasts.

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At TED2009, Bill Gates released mosquitoes into the audience saying, “Not only poor people should experience this.” It was confirmed that in fact, they insects were not carrying malaria.

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THERE IS INTELLIGENT LIFE OUT THERE!

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In San Francisco, a baby was born with twelve fingers and toes!

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A Floridian man was arrested for having a threesome with plastic dolls in a public parking lot.

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In a very unusual case, a woman’s kidney was extracted from her vagina!

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So how much would it take to build a Death Star? About $15 septillion. That’s 24 zeros.

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Msnbc.com reports that “problem gambling may rise as economy falls.”

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A new era in fundamental physics?

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Who knew you could fail a driving test 771 times, undeterred?

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Japan does it again! Little look-alikes!

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A milk man in London who had been supplying the aching elderly with medical marijuana is having his prison sentence suspended.

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A regular Maleficent was uninvited to her sister’s wedding reception and in her rage proceeded to take her down the bride on the porch.

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An Ohio community’s water was poisoned by hydrochloric acid accidentally added to the water supply by a chemical treatment plant.

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Weekly Weird News

By Claire ⋅ January 2, 2009 ⋅ Post a comment

Carbonate minerals have been found on the red planet by Nasa’s Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter. Says the project scientist on MRO, Richard Zurek, “If you preserve carbonates on the surface then you know carbon-bearing compounds can survive in some environments on the planet, [...] That means there are some places we can go and look for evidence for past life – if it ever existed.”

More and more people have been taking their cell phones to the grave.

At a University of Michigan lab, artificial human bone marrow was created in a test tube! The marrow can continuously make red and white blood cells which could lead to “simpler pharmaceutical drug testing, closer study of immune system defects and a continuous supply of blood for transfusions.”

A woman from Connecticut was recently awarded with $198,000 when she sued her dentist for giving her “HORSE TEETH” when he’d promised her a “big, beautiful Hollywood celebrity smile,” instead! We’re looking for the photos!

When Reddington Christian Church decided to set up a spotlight representing the star of Bethlehem as part of their nativity scene, a several people mistook it as a UFO!

Sightings of a purple squirrel have been reported at a school in Hampshire!

I’m guessing Sarah Mclachlan’s new TV spots for the ASPCA haven’t amounted to much yet because since the US recession, more and more dogs have been reportedly abandoned.

Afghanistan seems to have a solution, however. Reportedly, dogfighting seems to have made a comeback, recently. Fight to the death?

A great-grandmother at age 99 had to postpone her one-century-celebration when she found out that she’d had the date of her birthday wrong throughout her entire life!

At Tufts University, researchers are working on bio-active optical sensors made from silk that could warn of biological hazards and save lives. For example, they are being engineered to detect and signal, by changing color, if various substances have been found, for example, E.coli, or toxins in a polluted river.

A man in Massachusetts ended up burning his house with a blowtorch he was using to melt ice on his back porch.

Anyone missing a 180,000-carat emerald worth $370 million?

A UPS driver recently entered a Sikh man’s name as “TERRORIST” to the database.

Pedophiles trying to extend their reach?

In Peru, a 20 year old woman named Virgin Mary (Virgen Maria Huarcaya) gave birth to a baby boy and named him Jesus this past December 25th. Originally, father Adolfo Jorge Huamani, a carpenter, believe it or not- was going to name their son after a professional soccer player, but they changed their minds.

Cryptomundo.com posts the Ten Notable 2008 Cryptozoology Deaths.

While ufodisclosurecountdownclock.blogspot.com presents The Top 4 UFO Disclosure Non-Events of 2008.

Here’s metro.co.uk’s take on the weirdest stories of 2008!

Cracked.com shares with us “Where Aren’t They Now?- 15 Overlooked Deaths of 2008.

Though 2009’s no 2012, (gettin’ closer!) here’s a look at 25 Post-Apocalyptic Visions!

Happy New Year to everyone from Right Where You Are Sitting Now!

Weekly Weird News

By Claire ⋅ December 20, 2008 ⋅ 2 comments

A cat named Cooper from Seattle spent one day a week over the course of a year with a camera around his neck to document his neighborhood excursions. His caretakers Deirdre and Michael Cross, photographers and filmmakers themselves, were interested to find such beauty in the photographs that Cooper’s camera took- 1 picture every two minutes. Cooper’s pictures will be featured on Animals Planet’s series Cat’s 101 on Saturday. Click here to see a gallery of Cooper’s shots.

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It should come as no shock that with the rising popularity of plastic surgery it would soon become possible and perhaps even commonplace over the years for the more affluent, to have it done on the dead. Nowadays, people who want to look good for their funeral (which they will attend, in their open casket)- can look forward to being beautified before hand by botox and collagen!

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A Chinese boy survived having an arrow shot through his eye last week and is now being treated for shock. The boy lucked out as the arrow narrowly missed the brain and hit the back of his skull rather than coming out the back.

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Even Visa CEOs lose their credit cards every now and then.

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A man from the Chinese province of Inner Mongolia was killed by a small weather rocket trying to break up hail, it was discovered recently.

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Michael Jackson’s people have announced that he is auctioning off his belongings in 2009! The infamous glittery glove is among one of over 2000 personal items that he will be selling.

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There are some things you can’t auction off, however- like your soul, Ebay says.

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A child from New Jersey named Adolf Hitler Campbell is now having difficulty getting a cake made for him due to his name. His mother claims that wanting a celebratory confection with his name painted on it, is appropriate, while the Anti-Defamation League says,”Might as well put a sign around their neck that says bigot, racist, hatemonger.” One of the couple’s other children is named JoyceLynn Aryan Nation Campbell.

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The rail firm Cross Country reports that in 2008, people left some rather odd belongings on their trains. Though the top three most commonly forgotten items are mobile phones, books, and umbrellas- the staff purported also having found £30,000 of used banknotes, an antique typewriter, a wedding dress, and a pet cat.

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A middle-aged man from Minnesota finally had it with wild teens toilet-papering his house during homecoming week and proceeded to defend his property by squirting them with a solution of fox urine. Then in defending himself he proposed, “it stinks, but it doesn’t hurt anything,” and was, after all a mixture of 1/3 fox urine, and 2/3 water. Harmless!

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Some people are more productive with toilet paper, however. Sixty-three year old Dick Roper wrote a check for a parking ticket on two sheets of toilet paper. While the Court Service approved of the check, they asked that he pay an extra £15 to get it cashed. Dick promptly refused to pay any more than he originally wrote and the matter was taken to court where the situation was resolved, laughingly.

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A woman was caught trying to smuggle at a rhesus monkey from Thailand back into the United States by sedating it and hiding it in a fake womb. When authorities discovered the pregnancy was false, they asked for permits and customs declarations, of which she had neither. Journals surfaced later that requested the specific type of monkey and necessary medications to sedate it for the journey home, as well.

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Westboro Baptist Church from Topeka, Kansas, which is known for its staunch opposition to homosexuality, is seeking to display a post warning against Santa Claus in the Washington State Capitol. Among other religious statements on the 3rd floor of the building, this one will read to the tune, “Santa Claus is coming to town”- “So get this fact straight:
you’re feeling God’s hate, Santa’s to blame for the economy’s fate, Santa Claus will take you to hell.”

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In more wayward thinking- a couple from Oregon were accused to allowing their baby daughter to die because they were relying on prayer, rather than simple antibiotics which could have saved her life. The couple belong to Followers of Christ Church in Oregon City “that has a history of shunning medical care in favor of faith healing.”

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Yet, some people are a little more relaxed, and simply deny Santa’s existence- to a class of 25 children who consequently spend the afternoon in tears.

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Though definitely not the most uplifting story- thesun.co.uk reports that albinos in Tanzania in East Africa are not only prone to prejudice, but are also sought after and killed for their body parts to be used in black magic. There are a number of gorey cases, which add up to 35 instances of albino massacre just this year, in which people were hunting them for their limbs. Luckily, there is an island on Lake Victoria where they go to seek refuge. It is supposed that Ukerewe has the highest concentration of albinos and since, a foundation has been created to fight these wayward beliefs. The Tanzanian Albino Society founded by the British organization Action On Disability & Development seeks to end these murders and MP of Tanzania, Al-Shaymaa Kwegyir is “delighted 170 arrests have been made in relation to the killings so far.”

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I will let SFweekly’s headline speak for itself: “San Francisco Overrun With Drunken, Smoking, Half-Naked Santas Again.”

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Police found a four year old boy in a Texas discount store around 3 AM playing with toys.

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And if you’re looking for a new scent to start of the new year, look no further than Burger King. The fast food chain has decided to release a new men’s body spray called “Flame” which captures, “the scent of seduction with a hint of flame-broiled mean.” The spray is being sold at 4 dollars at New York City retailer, Ricky’s!

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Weekly Weird News

By Claire ⋅ November 13, 2008 ⋅ 2 comments

I’m going to give Kim a shout out for finding this one:
A jogger named Michelle in Arizona last Thursday jogged for a mile with a rabid fox clamped to her arm! She said she knew something was immediately wrong when she saw it make eye contact and walked toward her. The brave Michelle managed to pry the fox off her arm and throw it into the trunk before driving to the hospital.

In name changing news, a 19 year old English fellow, originally George from Glastonbury, has decided that Captain Fantastic Faster Than Superman Spiderman Batman Wolverine Hulk And The Flash Combined is more fitting. Captain FFTSSBWHATFC says he changed it online for a $20 fee and as a result, his grandmother is so outraged she refuses to speak to him.

Wired.com reports that in the first analysis of genetic diversity in a modern agricultural commodity has shown results that
industrial chickens lack about half the genetic variation that wild chickens have. Geneticists speculate that this means that these chickens will grow less resistant to diseases. Animal geneticist Bill Muir, lead author of a study published this week in The Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences says, “The same concern exists for other commercially developed livestock species, such as dairy cattle and swine. They have had a similar domestication history but with perhaps even smaller breeding sizes.” “If commercial breeders don’t introduce new stock, said Muir, “genetic variability will be exhausted.”

In more bad news for our chicken species, it has been discovered that low-flying hot air balloons have been the cause of death for 30 chickens recently. It was discovered that the hens became incredibly stressed and their eggs “exploded” inside of them, causing a fatal infection.

In Sweden, health authorities have incited controversy in their decision to provide free prosthetic penises to transsexual men that are not fully functional, that is, able to urinate or to become erect. Free fully-functional prosthetic penises cannot be offered, health authorities said, because there are regulations in place which “bar them from using taxpayer money for products or procedures aimed that are considered sexual aids.”

A man from Seattle, James Ross, aged 71, is dying from a rare form of cancer caused by the inhalation of asbestos and is now challenging the constitutionality of a court order the would require his body to be autopsied as a condition of his estate being paid a settlement. Strangely enough, the only exception to the state court rule would be for religious objections to autopsy. His attorney, Bergman, battling the constitutionality of the Washington rule says, “Mr. Ross could have said the autopsy violated his religion but he didn’t because that isn’t true. This is not religious, this is a matter of personal moral belief,” … “It is disturbing for a court to inquire about his religious beliefs before deciding if he can have a waiver.”

And may 9 year old Gus, the one-eyed, and three-legged Chinese crested dog, voted World’s Ugliest Dog last summer, who just died of skin cancer, rest in peace!

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